9 Reasons You Should Preorder "Patricia Wants to Cuddle"
TLDR: Pretty please?
When I announced last summer that I was writing a novel, I said I wouldn’t turn my newsletter into a self-promotion machine — and I’m sticking to that promise!
In lieu of pestering you for five months, I’ll just issue this one big plea to pre-order Patricia Wants to Cuddle, coming June 28, 2022 from Zando Projects. If that’s all the persuading you need, here are links to do the deed on Bookshop, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Target. There! That was easy! Now you don’t have to stick around while I do something that doesn’t come super naturally to me, which is selling myself.
In my day job as an editor, we know that odd-numbered lists tend to perform better due to some weird quirk of human psychology, so here are nine reasons you should pre-order Patricia. (Doesn’t that number just make your brain feel a little itchy? Like the only thing that could possibly even it out is a brand-new horror comedy novel? Well, you’re in luck!)
9. Lilly Wachowski liked it!
It’s not every day that the co-creator of The Matrix (and the genius behind more recent masterpieces like Sense8 and Work in Progress) reads your novel! Well, that day came for me recently — and it was a surreal one. Here’s what the very funny Lilly Wachowski had to say about Patricia Wants to Cuddle after she put it down.
8. CrimeReads called it “the most badass book imaginable.”
They also called it “the lesbian Sasquatch novel you’ve always wanted,” but who can pick between these two equally excellent pull quotes? Patricia appeared on their list of most anticipated 2022 titles, and their description of the book made my day. Seriously, authors dream about readers and critics vibing this hard with their books.
7. It’s one of Literary Hub’s most anticipated 2022 titles — and it’s also on the Jordy’s Book Club radar.
With all of these reputable outlets anticipating Patricia, shouldn’t you be anticipating her, too? The best form of anticipation — in my opinion — is waiting by your mailbox for a book to arrive! Seriously, though, I’m in undeservedly good company on Literary Hub’s list of anticipated 2022 titles.
Also, Jordan Moblo, who has impeccable taste, included Patricia in his own roundup of 2022 releases. Check it out below:
6. It’s got a killer premise.
Writing Patricia was a step into the unknown. It was my first time writing fiction — and horror comedy is particularly hard to execute. But amid that uncertainty, I had two rock-solid convictions: a) This is a weird book that not every editor is going to love right away, and b) This is a weird book that the internet will inherently get. A creature feature with queer themes set on a Bachelor-style dating show filming its last week in the Pacific Northwest? I mean, c’mon!
I wrote a little essay for LitHub about why it made so much structural sense to marry reality TV dating shows and slasher movies if you want to hear me blab about the central conceit some more.
5. BookRiot’s Read or Dead podcast was sold on the concept alone.
It was a delight to hear Patricia briefly mentioned at the end of a recent episode of BookRiot’s fantastic Read or Dead podcast about their most anticipated 2022 reads. After reading the description of the book, Katie McLain Horner said, “How can you resist a book with a hook like that?” to which Nusrah Javed hilariously responded, “You can’t. That’s what you do. You do not resist it.”
I wholeheartedly agree! Don’t resist Patricia!
4. The cover is very pretty.
Even if you don’t end up liking the words inside the book, we can all agree that the cover art is remarkable. You could frame the book jacket and hang it on your wall if you wanted! The illustration is by Richard A. Chance with design by Evan Gaffney and the result is extraordinary — a pitch-perfect match for the book’s satirical, sinister tone. Gaze upon it.
3. Early readers are entertained!
I can share all the links I want from publications eager to get their hands on Patricia, but the true test of a book’s mettle is sending it out into the wild where readers can preview it and pick it apart. That’s what we did with Patricia in exchange for honest feedback and so far, people seem to be… really enjoying it?
That’s judging from Goodreads reviewers, at least, who have called the book a “freaking marvelous madcap adventure,” a “genuine page-turner,” and “exactly the fun, bloody romp I needed to end my December.”
I don’t think you should base your purchasing decisions solely on user reviews — some of my favorite books didn’t fare so well on Goodreads — but I’m finding it genuinely encouraging that people are entertained by Patricia, and that the criticisms of it are fair! Part of being an author is accepting that everything you write is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, but I want you — yes, you reading this — to know that this book is exactly your cup of tea.
2. Kristen Arnett liked it!
First of all, if you haven’t read With Teeth and Mostly Dead Things, you should read both while you wait for Patricia — and in that case, prepare to be disappointed because my novel could never be as good as Kristen Arnett’s work! It absolutely elated me to hear that my little fiction debut made this illustrious, stupendous, and inimitable author laugh out loud.
Here’s her reaction to the book, courtesy of my publisher:
1. Please? Like, pretty please?
Look, this is basically the coolest thing I’ll ever get to do in my entire life. I loved writing Real Queer America — I poured my soul into it, in fact! — and I’m grateful every day that my nonfiction debut continues to connect with new readers. That said, publishing a novel is truly my childhood dream.
Picture a miniature version me spending recess scribbling stories and poems into a spiral notebook as I sat on some unbearably hot Southern California asphalt, and Patricia is basically the grown-up version of that childhood authorial fantasy. (Not to date myself, but it took well over three decades to make it a reality!)
Writing is tough. Making a living through writing is nigh impossible lately. And here I am, hoping for one Bon Jovi-style blaze of glory before I fade into obscurity. But really, truly, I want to keep doing this.
Pre-orders are 100% the best way you can support authors: they communicate interest to the publisher (and to buyers), they help get books noticed on bestselling charts upon release, and they help authors get a jump start on earning back their advance.
If you want to know more about how book deals work and why I’m not already living in a luxury chic A-frame cabin in Vermont, here’s a great article about the details, but the short version is this: I’m not asking you to pre-order Patricia because I want to be rich; I’m asking you to pre-order because I want to keep buying cat food.
And speaking of our feline friends, Patricia has secured another coveted endorsement:
So if it makes no difference to you whether you reserve your copy in January or June, do it now because it can make a huge difference for me. “Set it and forget it,” I like to say — a totally original tagline I came up with just now!
Here’s a button that’ll take you to Zando’s website where you can pick your online retailer of choice, but you can also order from your local independent bookstore or to put in an early request at your library:
Oh, and if you’ve gotten this far and you’re still not persuaded, then first of all, how dare you question Lilly Wachowski’s taste. I’d like to see you make a Matrix! (I kid, I kid.) But if you just want a little more information about what to expect, there are three ways you can do that:
1. Read the first few pages at them.
The link above will take you to an exclusive excerpt of the book at them., Condé Nast’s digital LGBTQ+ magazine. It’s a slow-simmering start, so don’t expect action right away — mostly some mood setting and an introduction to the world — but I promise you the pace is relentless once it gets going. (There’s a reason people have used descriptors like “madcap adventure” and “bloody romp!”)
2. Listen to me gab about it with my friends.
I host a little podcast about cinematic love triangles called You Should See the Other Guy! with my friends Jenn and Sadie, and they were kind enough to record a bonus episode with me about Patricia that covers what we can share so far!
If you’ve got a question about Patricia, we probably answer it somewhere in this 40-minute gabfest.
3. I don’t have a third way, but there needed to be an odd number of items on this list within a list.
Instead, here’s that button again and thank you — sincerely — for doing this.